Deadpool vs The Punisher
by Roulette914
Summary: The man of 1000 sins against the Punisher, chaos is a given.
1. Chapter 1

I've only saw him on TV…the news doesn't do him justice. No mutant gene, freak accidents, or crazy chemicals…this guy is a pure monster. He has taken down armies by himself. He is a constant shining beacon of penance. He is an indescribable entity trapped in a regular human body. He is The Punisher.

It started like any other night. Wait, let me correct that. It started like any other night Mr. Wilson drags me on a mission. It was a simple sniper hit, yet he somehow turned it into a fiasco. We waited on the roof of a building for an hour for the target to come into his crosshairs. He yelled "FINALLY!" and aimed the rifle, then felt the need to throw a grenade at the building. Sometimes it bothers me how he's so good at his job, yet it's like he subconsciously wants to mess things up. The blast took a chunk out of the building and before you know it there was a swarm of hit men looking for the culprit. All we had to do was wait because they weren't going to come on the roof looking for us. But as usual, Mr. Wilson felt the need to jump into the fray. I told Weasel to teleport us into a dumpster; it seemed like a great plan at the time. He did it and the Penetraitor armor was done for the night. We heard gunshots, songs, allusions, and martial arts yelling. Then the dumpster opened up and before I could yell "Mr. Wilson!" me and Weasel were hit wit tranquilizer darts. The last thing I saw before I passed out was a white skull that represented the most dangerous human being on earth.

When I woke up I was blind-folded and chained to a chair. I said "Weasel?" and got a punch to the stomach. The Punisher said "no talking". He was not playing around. He was also preparing for something because all I heard was weapons being prepared. The sounds were similar to the ones I hear before Mr. Wilson does his missions. They were the sounds of guns being loaded, blades being sharpened, and gear being put on. It made reflect on my life. Was my resume worthy of The Punisher? Yes I am an agent of Hydra and my best friends are a homicidal maniac and his tech geek, but I myself haven't really done anything wrong. I've never regretted doing the Hydra gig this much since Wolverine tore through the base. But none of that mattered to him, as long as I had the green and yellow on I was prone to one of his many criminal killings. I was doomed. I'm nowhere near capable of escaping these chains or running from the Punisher, neither is Weasel. Mr. Wilson probably has no clue where we are and The Punisher couldn't care less about us. It was a matter of time before I was dead.

"Where is he?" he said to me. "I-I-I don't know" I responded. I hadn't talked in so long it seemed like my speaking ability shot down. He took two steps and said "I know Hydra trained you to resist torture, but I really doubt they prepared you for my kind of torture". The truth was Hydra stopped bothering with torture training years ago. Actually they barely do ANY training nowadays. I was on the verge of breaking down like a little girl. "I really don't know anything Mr. Castle!" I said. He let out a sigh and coldly said "If I don't see him in three days you're dead." It was as if every one of my bodily functions stopped for a brief moment. Frank "The Punisher" Castle just said he was going to kill me. When I thought it, it was one thing but him actually saying it just took it to another level. My life was about to be over…and I blame Deadpool.


	2. Chapter 2

War Journal: 3-2-11

Today I caught Deadpool's two accomplices. One is an agent of HYDRA while the other is a tech-smart amateur with a broken teleporter. The agent was ready to squeal like a pig before I even touched him. It's a shame he has nothing to tell me though. Neither did the geek. They couldn't predict Deadpool any better than I can.

I'm getting quite tired of chasing this guy. He isn't smart, but somehow he isn't dumb either. He's a perfect blend of deadly and erratic and because of that he's an unpredictable danger. But there's one constant I can use in this sea of variable to draw him out, his love for money. Normally I would nab a mafia boss and put out a fake bounty, but he usually takes very odd jobs. He mostly stumbles on them. So the question is, what task is so insane that only he would take?

War Journal: 3-3-11

I must be crazier than he is. I like to do things as silently as possible but here I am making a huge ruckus in the middle of the night. But he'll know it's me. Not only do I have his little buddies but the person who kills me will be rich. And I'm killing two birds with one stone here. I get to take out Tony Vongola, a drug lord in this area and Deadpool, a menace to every area. And here he is…

He yells something crazy, it's in my best interest to ignore him. Not only can he be very distracting, but I doubt he has anything of importance to say. He shoots like an untrained monkey. How did he kill so much people with that horrible aim? His acrobatics are annoying, I can't get a good hit. Finally, right in the ankle. I know he has a healing factor, but it's laughable compared to Wolverine's. Two more in the legs to keep him down, and a few to the jaw to shut him up. Now that the easy part is done, how do I kill him?

And it's done. I cut his limbs off and bagged them up. Then I dumped his body parts into a river. I let his friends go, they aren't a threat to anyone. My work here is done.

War Journal: 3-6-11

You have got to be kidding me.

"FINALLY, Deadpool HAS COME BACK to KICK YOUR ASS!"


	3. Chapter 3

I hate Deadpool. He's insane, random, and unreliable. But he constantly needs to be bailed out he's willing to pay up. That's about the only reason I even bother talking to him. So imagine my lack of surprise when his two butt buddies call me up and say they need help getting his body parts out of a river. It's not exactly how I like to spend my Fridays but hey, they offered a ridiculous amount of cash. And if the price is right, the Taskmaster will take any job.

It never ends with Deadpool. First I spend hours fishing him out, then his goons sew him back together, and two days later I finally find out who cut him up in the first place. The friggin' Punisher. Not only that, but he wants me to help him take the Punisher out. I'm no dummy. Punisher has mowed down well over 2,000 of the men that tried to take him down. But none of those men were the Taskmaster. Killing Castle would let me retire eat steak, sit front row, and fly in a private jet whenever I want.

One last thing about Deadpool, he has horrific planning skills. His major scheme is for him to yell wrestling quotes at the Punisher and improvise from there. As requested, I'm watching from above. As I said before, I'm no dummy. Both these guys have a lot of dough on their heads. But the Punisher is secretly a very wealthy man. You don't just raid drug, guns, and trafficking operations and not take the cash. There are three major paychecks for me to get if I play this right. But Deadpool is having none of that. He outright calls my name and looks at me. My cover is blown. It was power move time. I jump down and try to strike a deal with the Punisher. I leave him alone, he leaves me, and I fill Deadpool with lead and keep his body.

I can perfectly mimick movements after seeing them only once. As a gun fan, it is only smart to study the Punisher. But he didn't even consider my offer. He just put a bullet in my stomach. Knowing a bullet is coming and dodging it are two completely different things.

I hate Deadpool.


End file.
